I just got finished reading over my past blog posts. Well, seems I am not learning from the past. Seems I am still struggling with things I was getting a hold of weeks ago. Why is it that this happens? One answer I know for sure is the sin nature. I know that I need to make it regular, daily even, practice to put off the sinful nature and put on the Holy Spirit. But you know what...I AM NOT! Why?? I am asking myself this question because I really would like to have an answer...but I don't...
I will say that the last few weeks have been challenging. Almost two weeks ago I became very sick; passing out, feeling nasty, just plan horrid. Turned out to be a cyst on my ovaries; really a rather common thing. Well, it shook me a bit cause it made me quite sick for a week. I will say one great thing that came out of it was God used it to begin mending a relationship. Remember this is my theme this year? Well, God certainly is not going to let we go back on something I committed to Him. Without going into details and names, a friend and I have had issues of bad communication and areas that need growth spiritually. It has had us not talking for awhile. Well, thanks to her, my husband was able to go with me to the hospital while the kids slept. So now, Monday we are getting together to talk over lunch. Please pray with me that we will be able to truly talk things out and mend communication. On top of all this, we are struggling to make ends meet with our finances. It looks like I may have to get evening work...something I have not wanted to do. Not because I am afraid of work, but because we committed to me staying home with the kids. I know Jeremy will be with them at night so it isn't like we are going against our standing on no daycare. It just means a change I was not prepared for.
So, challenges. Some really tough, others bringing on good things. I find myself asking God WHY! Why do we have to go through this time? I have been through enough haven't I? Between a brain tumor and then all the subsequent eye issues haven't I been through enough? My husband is a deacon in our church. I teach Sunday school...we are faithful to music team and our attendance at church. So WHY ARE WE HAVING TO GO THROUGH THIS? I don' t know the answer...I may never know the answer. I remember 4 years ago when we found out my tumor was growing and it needed to be removed. I remember my amazing husbands response to all of it...why not me? Why not choose us to go through this hard time? The only thing I can say is maybe God wants me to learn something. Or maybe God wants to teach someone else something through how I deal with it? Or maybe God sees something in me/us that He knows will carry us through? Or...maybe...He is preparing us for something harder down the road? I don't know, like I said, I may never know.
I DO know that God is in control. And God has a plan that is beyond my understanding at this point. And His grace IS sufficient. That does not make the present circumstances any easier. But it does make me thankful. And it does give me peace amidst the storm.
So...I looked back, now I must move forward.